10 years ago, Dec 15th & 16th, was the start of a long week and a few long years.

10 years ago today was the last time I talked to my sister and have her talk back. Tomorrow will be my sisters 10 year death anniversary. ( My sister actually passed away the same day my grandma Billie did but a year later)  How crazy?!  It was a Saturday morning and I went into Desi's room and asked her to borrow one of her shirts.  She said yes!  She never let me borrow her clothes.  I was so excited I remember grabbing it so quick before she could change her mind.  My family was planning to go to the snow but Desi didn't go because she wasn't feeling that good.  I remember her asking me to stay home and go shopping with her.  I had told her no because I didn't know when I would be able to go to the snow again.  She was all are you sure?  and I had told her yes and that I'd see her later and I loved her.

I had the worst day at the snow!  My feet were frozen so I went back to the truck and sat in the back until everyone else was done playing.  It was horrible.  

                                    "picture of Desi, my dad, and I at my Grandparents house"

When I got home, I asked my mom if Desi already left and she had but that she wasn't staying out late.  My Uncle Andy asked me to come watch his kids so him and my aunt could go shopping.  My parents also went shopping for Christmas.  I remember when my Uncles house phone rang I knew something was wrong.  My Grandpa was on the phone and I knew something was wrong but what he said wasn't what I was expecting.  He had told me Desi had been in an accident and to get the kids ready because my Grandma was coming to pick Josh and I up to go to the hospital and he was going to watch the kids.  I knew then that it wasn't good.    

When we got to the hospital I could barely breathe.  My Uncle Steve walked us inside while we just cried.  We couldn't get a hold of my parents, So my aunt and uncle went and searched for them.  We also had a family friend waiting at the house in case they came home.  They made there way to the hospital and the nurse had Jess, Josh, and myself go into a meeting room where my parents were.  We had a family prayer and I knew she wasn't going to make it.  I remember Jessica holding Josh and I while we sat on the floor.  At this point so many people were at the hospital.  

We were finally able to see Desi and it was the hardest thing!  I just wanted her to wake up.  As hours go by she wasn't doing any better.   I remember when my family decided to take her off support that her heart rate started dropping.  I remember holding her right hand and my dad and mom on her left.  My dad said don't go and her heart rate would get stronger.

When she finally passed away around 3am on December16th I remember just dropping to my knees.  When everyone cleared the room I went back in and sat next to her and just cried.  I kissed her hand and her head and just cried.  I went outside and sat on the floor.  My dad sat next to me and had then pulled Josh over as well.  I was hyperventilating and my dad was calming me down.  

My sister, my best friend, and my roommate for years had passed away.  It has been 10 years since that day but I still remember everything!  I even remember the Friday before her accident when she had driven me home from school.  Before we went home, we went to Bel Air to get huge deli pickles!

"Fall Homecoming football game,  My sister was Royalty.  This was a few months before she passed away" 

I can't imagine what my parents went through and go through not having one of there kids here.  It has been so hard on me losing my sister but I have also learned so much.  My family is even closer than we were!  We now take so many pictures when we are together.  I am such a picture person.  I love having the memories in pictures to go along with memories in my head.  It is also nice to see the faces of the ones you love.  The savior has taught me so much through this trial.  I knew he won't give me a trial I can't handle, even when it is really hard.  I cherish the little things and I laugh more than usual.  

I love my family so much.  I am grateful for where I am in my life right now.  I love being married to Scott who holds me when I am down and laughs when I laugh.  He listens to my stories, even if I have told him the same story before.  I am so glad I have the gospel in my life and grateful for the power of prayer.  I have such a strong relationship with my family and it means everything to me that they are in my life.  

This time of the year is always hard but now it is more about laughing about memories, some tears, and just smiling that we had her in our life and that we will see her again.